I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The uberlube is also flammable
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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