she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
