Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
