is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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