This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
