Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
