She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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