we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
