Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize