Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
