I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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