and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
