Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
