Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
