it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
