I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Never joke about your clitoris.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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