Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
