im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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