I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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