Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
