she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize