I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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