problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
