Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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