Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
