I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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