My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize