I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
