I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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