so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
