4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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