I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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