I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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