Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So apparently I’m into choking now
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