So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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