He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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