sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
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sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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