I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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