I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
