3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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