That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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