It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
