it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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