i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
tell me about the eggs
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