I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
so much tequila, so little girl.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
