i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
