And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
