What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
