If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Also, beer. Big fan.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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