i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize