don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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