you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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