She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
