i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
