gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
