p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
