So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.