U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement