Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
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And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
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Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And then my night got REAL pukey
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.