Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.