So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
