The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
