Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Randomize
