dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
