he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
